Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
