It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
