i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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