theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
