sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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