yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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