Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
