Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
is wine microwaveable?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
