dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
