Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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