dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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