Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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