You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
