Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We're facebook friends in real life
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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