just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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