I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
