i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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