Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
