the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
