You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
