the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
