At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
