New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
