she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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