I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
