There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
