hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
