Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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