There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
