ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
