worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
