Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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