All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
