My hand turned me down
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
