your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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