My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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