but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
