Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
