who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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