will power is for people who don't want to get laid
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my being single is dangerous.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
