the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Panties = found
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
