I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
