for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
