Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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