mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
