Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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