I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
