She announced her abortion via fbk
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
