she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
