I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
