ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
