I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
