hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
