its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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