you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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