he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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