we need to drink 2009 down the drain
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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