This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
3pm strippers are depressing
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
