I wish I only lived at night.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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