Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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