if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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