She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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