This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
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Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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