you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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