Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
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We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
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You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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