omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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