If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
