so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
