I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
