Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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